I'm kind of in denial that we're currently in our 6th and final week of full-day camp. I wish I could stay forever or, at the very least, find a way to slow time down.

This is my 4th week as the craft station leader, and I think it goes without saying that having the opportunity to be at craft the past few weeks has been one of the most unexpected blessings of this summer. At first, I was a little bit worried that as a station leader, I wouldn’t be able to build connections with the kids since I wasn’t leading a color team, but the opposite has actually turned out to be true. Because all the kids come to craft, I'm actually able to get to know way more of them than I normally would be able to if I was leading my own team of kiddos, and I've definitely been able to get more than my fair share of the hugs and snuggles and high fives. Craft is my favorite station because almost every single camper (it doesn’t matter how hyper or how quiet or how old or how “cool” they are) will sit down and be engaged in making the craft in front of them. Many of these kiddos don’t have the chance to do things normal kids get to do, so I love seeing these kids be creative and be encouraged to be creative at craft time. Few things are sweeter than having a kid run up to me and proudly show me their finished craft. It makes my heart melt every. single. time. I also feel like the craft rotation is also a time for the leaders to relax and let loose a little bit, and I'm pretty sure I get some of the best entertainment because so many ridiculous things just happen during craft time. The craft room has turned into a runway for a couple of fashion shows, a temporary tattoo parlor and makeup room, and a battlefield for sticker wars (things get real intense, y'all). There's really never a dull moment in "lucru manual" (Romanian for "craft" - another cool thing about being a station leader is that I've picked up a ton of random Romanian phrases).

I also love that I get the chance to hang out with all the leaders when their team is at the craft rotation, and as a result, I've gotten to know a lot of the translators really well. And can I take a minute to brag on all our incredible translators? Our translators are all high school students, and they probably have the toughest job at camp because not only do they have to babysit their kids, they also have to babysit their Americans and make sure we understand what the kids are saying and vice versa. They're literally the glue that keep camp from falling apart, and I'm so, so thankful for each and every one of them. It's so much fun getting to go to "work" with these dear Romanian friends, and I have no doubt that they're going to be some of the people I miss most when I have to go home. (Shoot, I'm tearing up just thinking about that. I don't want to say goodbye!) Craft is also an awesome time where I get to hear about how my fellow camp interns' days are going, pray over them if they're having a rough day with a trouble kid, and celebrate the gospel conversations they've had with their team. My fellow interns are some of the most caring, compassionate, hard-working people I know, and it's been incredible getting to serve alongside people who share the same heart and passion for orphans.

As I've been preparing my heart to go home and reflecting on the past couple of months that I've been in Romania, I sometimes struggle with doubt that the work we're doing is making any sort of impact on these kids. After all, we only get to have them for one short week in the summer, and for most of us, we'll never have the chance to see these kids again, so it's hard to know whether or not this week of camp we do have with them will make a difference in contrast to the harsh realities they have to face on a daily basis during the rest of the year. Sometimes it's incredibly difficult to pour out love on kids week after week when we don't see the fruit of our labor, but God doesn't call us to be fruitful, He's merely called us to be faithful. God has placed us here in Romania at this particular time serving these particular kids for a particular reason, and because of that, I need to love these children fiercely and unconditionally regardless of how hard they are to love and whether or not we'll see them again after this week. I feel like I tend to overcomplicate and overthink about things when it's really quite simple - all God is calling me to do here in Romania is to love these children and the people around me. That's it. He's not asking me to find them all families and heal all their emotional wounds and save them all because heavens know that there's absolutely no way I would be able to do that. That's a burden only He can carry, and when I think for a second that anything I do on my own strength will make any sort of impact, everything gets screwed up because as imperfect human beings, that's just what we tend to do. But when we surrender our pride and become obedient in the seemingly simple things He's called us to do, that's when mountains are moved and lives are changed because Jesus works wonders when I allow Him to use me however He wants to use me to further His kingdom. In the midst of all the team posters, paper flowers, and trophies that are being created during the week, I'm constantly reminded that God is faithful to His promises that as the Defender of the Fatherless, He is creating something beautiful in the hearts of these kids as well.

Camp last week was hands down the most exhausting and draining week we've had yet. The first week of camp was physically hard in that the kids all had a ton of crazy energy and wouldn't sit still; the second week of camp was like a breathe of fresh air because the kids were all so sweet and quiet and obedient; but my goodness, this third week of camp was a whole different ball game because it was spiritually, emotionally, and mentally taxing. Last week, I ended up helping one of the short term missionaries Emily at the craft station instead of leading a team of my own, which meant that I had the unique opportunity to see all the kids and all the leaders during the day and got to observe behaviors and interactions that I would not normally have the privilege of seeing if I had my own kiddos to take care of. And I'm not going to lie, it was heavy. We had kids ranging from ages 3-20 at camp this week, and while the younger ones were some of the sweetest kids I've ever met, the majority of kids were over the age of 14, and well, let's just say that they've been dealt an incredibly rough hand of cards. These teenagers all came from incredibly difficult and traumatic pasts that left most, if not all, of them with a number of behavioral and mental issues. Specifically, we had a group of older teenage boys that just required an abundance of extra grace and love. They caused multiple fights, showed up to camp drunk, interacted with girls inappropriately, and snuck away to smoke. In addition, we also had three pregnant teenage girls participating at camp, and my heart ached every time I saw them at craft because they honestly still looked like children themselves, but they were preparing to take on the role of motherhood far too soon. It was eye-opening having the little kids at camp the same week as the teenagers. As I played with some of the little kids during craft time, I couldn't shake the thought that the teenagers at camp were probably once like these precious little children themselves, but because they don't have a family to love on them and care for them, they've become hardened and traumatized and just so, so broken. The thought that there was a very, very high probability that the sweet, precious little children could grow up to be as broken as these teenagers shattered my heart to pieces.

Last week I was confronted with the realization that we're not just working against mere flesh; we're fighting an intense spiritual battle of good and evil while serving these kids. I remember walking into the gym last Wednesday and just feeling this dark, oppressive presence over the place. I don't think I've ever felt brokenness so tangibly before, and we all came home that day with low spirits and discouraged hearts. BUT, God was (and still very much is) so incredibly gracious to us. In the midst of the chaos and messiness and troubles, He was making beauty rise from ashes, and the week turned out to be full of amazing surprises. Some of us had the opportunity to have intimate conversations with campers, and some of the seemingly "tough" and "cool" teens shared their heartbreaking stories, asked questions about Jesus, and just had the chance to be heard by someone who genuinely cared about them. Camp was an opportunity for these kids and teens to just reclaim their childhood and have fun in a safe, loving environment, and it was heartwarming seeing the smiles and hearing the laughter of the campers during the week.

I also found it humbling that the week I didn't have any kids on my own team to take care of was the week I felt the most connected to and broken for the kids. If I'm completely honest, I'd been frustrated with how spiritually dry I'd been feeling since I've been here. I felt like I was in this black hole where nothing was really affecting me emotionally like it probably should. I was honestly expecting, even praying, that while I'm here in Romania, I would have this profound encounter with God's Father heart for orphans and that I would be in this constant emotional state of brokenness and tears over the hearts of the kids we're working with at camp. But did you catch the problem with that? I was expecting it. I realized that I'd been placing a lot of unrealistic expectations on this trip, and the biggest problem with that was that I was essentially telling God how I would like Him to work through me and that I would like to be broken in a particular way and feel certain things and so on and so forth. But goodness, that's just so petty and selfish and foolish and wrong of me to think that way. Who am I to tell the Almighty and Sovereign God what I want to do with my life, a life that's not even mine to call my own in the first place? It's been a humbling and sanctifying process allowing the Lord to prune my sinful little heart and teach me again (for what is probably like the 4543948756th time) that I need to surrender control of my life completely to Him because I can do nothing good apart from my Savior. But in that surrender, my Father has so graciously exchanged my frustration for His peace, my fear for His courage to love recklessly, and my ambivalent heart for His broken heart for these kids. So yes, while life lately has been messy and chaotic, somehow it's still been insanely beautiful, and I can't help but praise Him for that. God is doing incredible things here in Romania, and I'm so thankful and humbled that I get to be here to see and participate in the work that's being done in these children's lives, and that He's chosen to graciously work in mine as well. 

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Well, week 1 of camp is under our belts. I'm struggling a bit to find the words to describe those 5 days of camp. They were some of the most challenging, exhausting, frustrating, funniest, heart-warming, craziest days I think I've yet to experience. This week, I was assigned to be on the purple team (Echipă Mov!), and I was so blessed to have the most amazing group of kiddos, translators, and American volunteers on my team. The motto for camp this year is "Fii tare şi curajos!" (Be strong and courageous!), and we learned a lot about team work and training to be spiritually strong. I chased after hyper kids, dressed in ridiculous costumes to perform skits for them, held them in my lap during the talks, and gave out lots and lots of high fives and hugs.

Overall, it was a pretty solid week; however, to be completely honest, as the bus drove away and we waved goodbye to the kids on Friday, I found myself really wishing I had done some things differently. If I could rewind and redo just one thing from my first week at camp, I would have challenged myself to pursue deeper relationships with my kids. I ended up being the only leader on my team that didn't know Romanian, so I defaulted a lot to my translators and American volunteers and let them be the ones to build relationships with the kids while I kind of worked more on the logistics of keeping the team together and making sure it ran smoothly so the kids would have an amazing time. I've always been more comfortable with the behind-the-scenes leadership roles than with being the person in charge in the front, but this week, I had to be that point person and leader for my team. And quite honestly, it was exhausting, and I felt very, very inadequate for the role. It's hard and frustrating and humbling not knowing the language and having to call one of my translators over every time one of my kids attempted to talk to me, and it's difficult to lead while not really knowing what exactly was happening the majority of the time and just going with the flow (we interns jokingly/seriously said "we'll figure it out tomorrow" one too many times this past week). I've always struggled with the pressure to be perfect, and I think the pressure to lead my team well got to me, and unfortunately, I let it inhibit my ability to look past the logistics and focus on the relationships. That's not to say that I didn't have any sweet moments with my kiddos, because I do feel like I was able to connect with them pretty well (and I think they liked me too...I hope), but I wish I had pursued a deeper emotional relationship with my kids and attempted more conversation with them in spite of the awkwardness of the language barrier and the responsibilities I held as an intern. God put 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 on my heart over and over again this past week, and I learned a lot about humility and being gracious to myself. I realized that me being in that place of inadequacy was exactly where the Lord wanted me to be because it was a constant reminder for me that there was absolutely nothing I could do on my own strength to make the week a success for the kids.

BUT, thank goodness for a gracious God whose power is made perfect in weakness. As inadequate as I felt this past week, instead of dwelling on what could have been changed, I also have to remember to praise Him for the amazing work He did do at camp. When the kids acted up and became a disturbance or cussed each other out or ran away from the group, we were able to gently correct them and chase after them because in the group homes, no one cares enough to do that for them. Kids and volunteers who don't know Jesus got to hear about how much their Heavenly Father loves them, and orphans who are usually ignored were loved on and cared for by adults who really desired to serve them. There were so much laughter, so many smiles, and so many hugs this past week, and I know that even though it may seem like a majority of the kids weren't paying attention to the lessons, the word of the Lord never returns void. So I'm praying and trusting that as the kids remember the fun time they had at camp, they would also remember little nuggets of truth from those lessons and clearly see the overwhelming love that their Father has for them.

I feel like I've already grown and been stretched so much just this first week, and that makes me simultaneously excited and nervous to see what else God is going to do the rest of this summer. But I'm one week wiser now, so as we start the first day of the second week of camp tomorrow, I'm praying that I will allow myself to be weak so that my Father can give me the perfect courage and strength to love more boldly and radically.

(So I also kind of forgot to take pictures this past week because I was running around so much, but here's a couple that I managed to snap in the midst of the craziness. Once I get more pictures from other people from last week, I'll be sure to post those too!)

Two plane flights, a six-hour bus ride, and over forty-four bags later, my team and I made it safely (and very sleepily) to Casa Rene, our home for the next two months in Targu Mures, Romania. The interns get to live together in a little apartment, and I'm so incredibly excited to do life with these 12 new friends who are quickly starting to become my family. I've only been here for two days and have gotten a small glimpse of Romania so far, but I think I've already fallen in love with this beautiful country and our quaint little city.

The past ten-ish days have been a mixture of both an overload of information and work as well as lots of time to relax and hang out with my team. I've been especially thankful for the little pockets of time we get to just chill. Even though it can, admittedly, be a bit boring at times and I feel a little bit restless and anxious about just wanting to do something, I'm really trying to savor these moments and allow myself to be filled up with the Father's love and peace and strength so I can be poured out the rest of this summer. And after hearing some more about what I'll be doing for the next few weeks, I know I won't be able to do any of it without abiding in the Lord and relying solely on Him.

So what exactly will I be doing this summer? Well, after a week of orientation, I think I can finally answer that question with confidence. My wonderful little family in Romania consists of thirteen interns (including myself), and we're all divided among three different areas of focus that Fundatia LOC (the Romanian side of Livada Orphan Care) has for the summer. Two interns will be serving at the Ogra Gypsy Village and doing education and other prevention of abandonment programs in the community there while another two interns will be working at the baby hospital in Ludus and loving on and playing with the abandoned babies and toddlers. However, the majority of us (eight interns plus yours truly) will be camp counselors for the kiddos of state-run group homes. Each week we'll have around fifty kids ranging from ages 5-20 from a couple different group homes in the area participate in camp every week. As interns/camp counselors, our duties will range from leading a group of kids with Americans here for week-long mission trips and Romanian volunteers, performing ridiculous skits (one featuring me dressed up as a minion hanging from the ceiling trying to fix a light bulb), and just loving on the kids, playing with them, and ministering to their little hearts. All of these children carry heavy wounds from emotional and physical abuse, abandonment and neglect, and as a result, we'll all have to be especially attentive to the specific needs of these precious kiddos. Please pray that we'll be able to see them the way our Father sees them, and that we'll be filled to the overflowing with an extra measure of His love and grace so we can pour that out onto our kiddos and our Romanian volunteers who might not know Christ. It's going to be an incredibly difficult and exhausting summer, but I know it's also going to be one of the sweetest ever. God is going to move so radically these next couple of months, friends. It still feels so surreal being here, but my heart is so, so ready to hold these kiddos in my arms in less than a week.

Salut, Romania. I'm so stoked I get to call you home for the next two months.




P.S. a couple of you have asked, but yes, you can send me letters while I'm in Romania! Here's my address:

Tomorrow marks the beginning of my physical trip to Romania, but really, the journey for me started months ago. Many closed doors, expectant/frustrated/confused/thankful prayers, and periods of waiting, waiting, and more painful waiting have all taught me to lean in closer to the Lord and patiently rely on and trust in His timing. If you were one of the people who has covered me in prayers as I slowly made my way towards Romania and/or were one of those who financially supported me to go on this trip, thank you again. You are an incredible answer to prayer, and I couldn't be more blessed to be surrounded by such an incredible group of friends who are so generous with their gifts and support.

As I prepare to step on the plane to begin the first of many flights towards Romania, the prayer that has been continually on my lips is that the Lord would break my heart for what breaks His, that I would come home absolutely wrecked for these kids and this cause again. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Allyson who is going to be coming home in August is going to be radically different than the Allyson who is typing this blog post right now, and I'm so excited/nervous for the work that my Father is going to do in my heart. I would so love your prayers as I spend the next two months living with and loving on orphans in Romania. Please pray that the Lord would make my heart tender and teachable, and that in the midst of the brokenness surrounded with working with these children, I would hang on to Hope and remember that He is holding these kiddos in His loving arms and that only He can create beauty from ashes. Please also keep my amazing team in your prayers. Pray that we would be united in the Lord's love and be used as a group to love on and serve these kiddos in a way that is infinitely greater than any of our own individual efforts. I haven't met them yet, but I can't wait to get to do life with them in Romania and for all the incredible memories we're going to share.

And this is kind of personal, but something that I'll also be very specifically praying for in Romania and would love for others to join me in prayer for is revelation and direction for my future when I get back from the trip. God has placed this cause so keenly on my heart, and I have no doubt that I am called to devote my life to being a defender of the cause of orphans. While I've had some small glimpses and ideas of what exactly that will look like in my future, I'm really praying that this trip will give me further insight and direction as to how I can best continue to use my life to serve orphans.

Friends, thank you so, so very much for joining me on this adventure. I can't wait to share with you the stories and lessons the Lord is going to teach me these next couple of months.

Through waters uncharted my soul will embark

I'll follow Your voice straight into the dark

And if from the course You intend

I depart

Speak to the sails of my wandering heart

Like the wind

You'll guide

Clear the skies before me 

And I'll glide this open sea

Like the stars

Your Word

Will align my voyage 

And remind me where I've been 

And where I am going

Well, since this is the first blog post, I guess an introduction is in order (much of this may or may not just be copied and pasted from the about me section, so if it sounds familiar, that's probably why). So hello, I'm Allyson. If you're reading this blog, there's probably a 99.99% chance you already know me because I don't think there would be another reason for you to be reading this, but if by some chance we haven't met yet, then you should introduce yourself to me in the comments, and we can be friends (I like friends :) ).